Even me. And so does my fiance. But I don’t know what to do about it.
He’s been frustrated at work, rightfully so, and he’s exhausted and scared. I know that, as a concept, but I guess I don’t express it or show him. He told me today (and he said it the other day, too) that he thinks I “just don’t understand what [he’s] going through.” Last time he said it, I didn’t say anything. Today I told him he was right. I softened it by saying I’ve never been in his situation, so no, I don’t know what it’s like, but I know he’s upset and I know he’s being exploited. Other than that, what do I do?
I don’t really know what the interplay is between empathy and oxytocin is, but it appears there is one. I read about one study where it increased the capacity for empathy in men. I’m reading a book right now that says lack of empathy (to the point of autism) is an extreme expression of a “male mind.” I’m not going to worry about the misogynistic implications there, because frankly, I think it’s correct (I hate nothing more than talking about feelings with other women, like many men). I don’t know if I have a poorly or non-functioning amygdala. I’ve never had a brain scan. However, I do suspect I have the ability to produce oxytocin. I don’t think it’s horribly impaired, if at all. I think the fact that I’ve really only ever felt “bonded” to my sex partners (and no one else, but my mother comes close) probably has something to do with a hormone that is released when people kiss and touch and orgasm. I saw it on TV that exchanging saliva stimulates oxytocin production. So I’ve been trying to kiss him with more tongue lately. I’m trying the only real way I know how.
It hurts me that I don’t understand him. I adore him. I don’t mind cleaning his butt fuzz off the toilet, or picking up the trash he leaves next to the trash can, not in the can. I want him to be happy with me.
And yes, I am totally playing R.E.M. while I write this.
loveablesociopath 